Graciela was waiting eagerly in class. She was waiting for Mr. Brown to walk into the classroom with that enigmatic aura that simply drove her crazy. Mr. Brown, who happened to be the Geography teacher could hardly understand the impact his boyish smile had left in the tender mind of his teenage student. He hardly noticed that her already pink cheeks grew redder while he asked her from the daily lessons. Almost everyone of us have come across these crushes at some point if time. Sometimes, young teenagers happen to fall for some member of opposite sex who may not reciprocate their feelings or may not be in a position to do so. But these crushes are often ignored. It is supposed that these infatuations would just fizzle out with time. But the fact remains that they don't. People never forget about their crush until they are replaced by new ones. And if this is not properly dealt with such people grow up into persons who constantly need someone by their side to assure them of their existence. Their confidence level shrinks when they are without a partner. They are constantly on rebound.
Such crushes are better described as “Limerence”. It was a term coined by the scientist Tennov. “Limerence” is an attraction to a member of opposite sex which is something in between love and infatuation. When reciprocated, it turns into romantic love and when it is not, it generally passes on to someone else. But the fact is that it has to be reciprocated by someone or the other. The person having limerence o an individual often imagines romantic gestures from the limerent object and this imaginary reciprocation fills their heart with pleasure.
The causes of limerence are many. But the most prominent one is lack of proper care from childhood. Tender minds of teenage years need proper nurturing, care, and most of all they need love. In most cases the children who are devoid of these often fall for anyone who shows little attention towards them. Some times that very person happens to be their neighbor, or an associate, or some young teacher of opposite sex. I should mention, that these teenage crushes does not necessarily happen for any young individual. Rather in most cases the teens fall for persons who are thirty to forty years older to them. These people often settle down for someone who may not even be at par with their preference. But it is a constant assurance to have someone beside.
Limerence is not particular to teens only, it can happen to anyone and everyone. And when the limerence is unrequited, the confidence and self esteem of an individual is battered. They simply can't live in peace till they find someone would actually reciprocate.
Almost all people experience some kind of shyness before their loved one especially when the attraction is nascent, but in limerence a strong feeling of nervousness preoccupies the individual that makes him difficult to behave normally in presence of limerent object.
Actual love denotes care and understanding for the other person but limerence is self centered. But unlike puppy-love it never fizzles out with time. It has to be always transferred or reciprocated. If you love someone, and are not reciprocated, you may preserve the sweet memories of your heartthrob which would give you solace in later years. I you have a crush on someone, it would fizzle out after some point of time. But if you have a limerence, it will leave its footprint in your heart and even after years, you will actually remember it with grief and despair. A limerance strucks an individual out of nowhere, it will make you mad and you will try to reach out for the limerent object at any cost. Most of us has been have gone through limerence at some point of time. If the limerence remains unrequited, it becomes hard to bear the pain. But life teaches us to bear with this experience.
And once you learn to live with sorrow, you reach one level of emotional maturity and your life moves on and after years when you ponder upon the past, you realize that you are not the same person once again.
Jessica Parker writes on friendships that are broken, relationships that are estranged, religions that are extinct. She finds, 123Greetings.com to be a nice way of expressing her thoughts.
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